Getting Back My Love for Adventure After a Breakup
“Never did the world make a queen of a girl who hides in houses and dreams without traveling.”
– Roman Payne, The Wanderess
Before my last relationship, you would never see me hesitate purchasing a trip to go on alone. Yet here I am, a few months post break-up, wondering whether I should buy this ticket to Bali and if I will regret it. What happened to the adventurous girl I was before? I had changed during the relationship. I was willing to sacrifice a lifetime of magical destinations and dreams for a boy who wasn’t as well traveled as me and was used to a simpler life. I told him I was okay with not going on all these big trips so we could focus on planning for the next few years. It ate away at me when I would think of vacation ideas, but it seemed better at the time to think small and stay local for our trips so we could be within our means.
Eventually, I ached to go back to Japan and he panicked on whether we could make it work. The adventurer in my heart always found a way to make it happen, but his voice of reason was louder. I wanted to introduce him to my family, to show the land we studied about during our college days, let him taste Japanese food on a whole different level than what he was used to and make special memories for us to reminisce about. I knew something was wrong with us then, yet still wanted it to work. This, and other problems, soon tore us apart. Yet I will never forget the sacrifices I made to make him feel comfortable, which took away from my own identity.
Now I am single and realizing that to get back my happiness and sense of self again, I need to get back what I loved most before this relationship – adventure. Traveling is what made me most happy and gave me something to look forward to and plan for. Travel was my first love, to be honest. Without an exciting vacation planned within the near future, I would often feel antsy being at home. I’ve come to realize though that instead of waiting for this feeling for when I am abroad, I need to create a steady feeling of happiness when I am at home too. Right now, my main focus is to bring back that love for adventure and search for what makes me feel like my old, independent self again. Then I will work on keeping the sense of self-love, happiness and adventure at home.
During the breakup, I started planning a trip to Colorado to boost my self-confidence, which I will be going on this month. Immediately after the breakup, I went back to dreaming up my Japan vacation and put it into action too. And in between big vacations, I have and will keep on planning little weekend vacations around the Pacific Northwest when I feel an urge to go on an adventure. This is just the first step in the journey, but I’m hoping to pick up the pieces along the way.
What do I hope to gain by choosing to go back to the spirit of adventure again? I want that feeling that I am okay with traveling alone because I will make friends along the way. I want to learn more about the world and who I am. I want to remind myself that there are things out there that are bigger than my problems and thoughts. I want to make mistakes and memories that will stay with me for a lifetime. I want to break free from the depression that tied me down after the breakup. I want to show myself that I don’t need a man to be happy, but rather be content with being on my own. I want to explore the world with my friends and build a deeper relationship with them. I want to find what makes others happy in this world and connect it to how I can make it my own lifestyle. In other words, I need to explore the world to explore who I am.
Happiness is a long ways from where I am located right now in life. But I know that my love for travel was easily the most important and obvious contributor to my identity before my relationship. So for myself, I am going on these trips and take advantage of the opportunities given to me during them. I will push my boundaries when it comes to trying new foods, attempting a crazy sport, exploring a tropical private island, etc… I will do this for myself and no one else.
Editors Note: I bought that ticket to Bali… because I deserve it.